


It Beats...

by jellyfishandtuna



Series: Small Little Painful Nothings [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: After the Fall, Bees, Dealing With Loss, Letters, M/M, Ocean, Pain, Sea, cottages, ring boxes, small comforts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 15:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1309735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishandtuna/pseuds/jellyfishandtuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>The heart is the most vital organ in the human body. From the first time it beats to the last, it fights a never ending battle.</p>
  <p>It has the capacity to love. It also breaks. It can be shattered into a million pieces but somehow... it still beats.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	It Beats...

**Author's Note:**

> "The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever."
> 
> ~ Jacques Cousteau

Vanilla. It's the first thing that hits the senses when you step foot into this small two story cottage. It floods with sunlight and warmth. It reflects the setting of the sun. It's prefect in every way. The smell of the sea mixes well with the soft vanilla and it seems to calm the nerves within seconds. Almost everything inside is white accented with the prefect combinations of cream colored tones. There's a swing on the front porch, covered in pillows. Some of the windows are open, halfway, letting the warm breeze blow through the rooms. Even cottages need to breathe. The distance hum of bees in the back yard break against the waves coming into the shore. It's breathtaking against the sea of green that perches behind it. Green in back, an ocean of blue to the front. The housekeeper has done a wonderful job. From the bright colors of the flowers that accent the walkway to the dust free and warm environment inside. 

"Take all the time you need. All the necessary arrangements have been made. No one will disturb you." 

The suitcase is sat beside the door, which is left open to let the evening flood the room. It's beautiful here and peaceful. Time to heal from wounds that never had the chance to take flight. One that would forever carry an enormous amount of weight with it. Sadness. 

His body sinks into the armchair. Finally letting the events of the past several days sink in. Shaking breathes, trying to control the overwhelming emotions and failing miserably at it. Then the doubt, waves of it. The self loathing. The grief. The guilt. Broken sobs fill the emptiness of the room. 

It isn't until the room is dark and the chilled air hits him that the decision to move is made. Only because falling asleep in this chair doesn't sound to comfortable. Door shut, suitcase picked up and heavy feet carry a broken soul to the loft bedroom. The light flicked on and blue eyes catch an envelope placed on the pillows. A small black velvet box in a sea of white. 

It's hard to breath at this point.

Sitting on the bed, opened letter in hand, a single tear falls onto the paper. 

 

My Dear John, 

I'm going to assume that you're reading this. There really is no pointing out the obvious, is there? First, let me start by apologizing. You must have so many questions running through your mind and I honestly have no answers. I am sure about everything else, you want answers as to why I did what I had to do. I shall do my best to provide them to you in the least 'dickheaded' manner possible. 

Yes, I knew that I was going to die. I've known this for several weeks actually. After Moriarty's trail is when it finally sank in. Was it selfish? I suppose it all depends on the prospective and I already know what you are thinking. Such a selfish, self-centered, spoiled, arrogant brat bastard I am. However, the lies that you heard from me were well rehearsed. The tears and the pain that the words were spoken with were not. 

John, if I had not taken the fall, I would have lose something most precious to me. As you know, I am not a man that makes friends easily. There were in fact three reasons that I did what I felt needed to be done. Loosing Mrs. Hudson or Lestrade would have hurt but you... you were always the light in a never ending ocean of darkness. I know that I am a fool. Call it a fear of rejection because I knew that my feelings would never be mirrored back. 

In the box is a ring. A token of my un-dying love for you and our friendship. If it's never worn, please believe that I understand. I know that I will be grieved for but you must promise me not to loose yourself, John Watson. Because through you, I shall always live. I would be lost without my blogger, my doctor and my best friend. I want you to know that you saved me in so many ways. Ways that I fear will never be repaid now. Your loyalty that I never truly felt that I deserved. I was in fact, a terrible friend only because I never expected to have anyone care for me the way you did. Live knowing that you had the love of an emotional broken and distant individual. Live with that knowledge and I will always be with you.

Live for me.

Always and Forever,

Sherlock Holmes 

 

The letter falls.


End file.
